Breaking the Gender Stereotypes; Redefining Chivalry

By Daniel Hoisch on July 16, 2013

Last June, I went on a date with a woman. At some point in the night, we began discussing who was going to pay for dinner. Naturally, as the man, I insisted on paying for both of us. However, she had made up her mind to split the cost of the meal both ways. By the end of the night, we each decided to pay half a share. This is a common occurrence during many dates nowadays. What was traditionally looked at as a single act of chivalry from a man to a woman is now being remodeled in to an obscure form of sexism, and as the lines separating gender stereotypes continue to diminish, we see an ever increasing interest in sexually unorthodox professions between men and women.

Traditionally, the stereotypical male was the independent hard worker of the family who put the bread on the table, whereas the stereotypical female was the stay at home caretaker of the house and children. A detailed list of gender stereotypes can be found at the following link: http://www.healthguidance.org/entry/15910/1/List-of-Gender-Stereotypes.html. Many of these dos and don’ts on the list are simply a question of interest. It is true that there are still more men working in construction and auto mechanics in today’s world than there are women, and vice versa for social and nursing positions, but the male to female ratio has nothing to do with a difference in ability. Rather, any difference in interest was brought on by a difference in treatment and experience during childhood.

You notice this difference in treatment early on in a child’s life whenever they get a new present. For instance, during the holidays, the boy might get something like a baseball bat or a GI Joe action figure, whereas the girl would get a doll and the house to go with it. Following these new toys comes a long lasting shift in behavior and activity throughout their childhood. The boy might go out to play sports or army men with his friends, while the girl will stay at home with her friends to play house or dolls, or the classical tea party. Right from an early age, children are subject to different activities and advertising to control their interests once they develop and mature, molding the boys and girls into the men and women that society deems suitable.

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But what exactly is the difference in mental functionality between men and women? In her online article, “Are Men Really From Mars?“, Dr Debbie Magids agrees that “men and women are biologically different… [that] there is research that supports difference in how our brains function…[that] we are socialized differently in our families and in societies…[that] we tend to behave differently. But this is where the difference ends.” Dr. Magids then goes on to list the similarities in emotions and desires between the two sexes. Men and women both respond to their surroundings in a similar manner and are as equally vulnerable as the other sex. The difference is simply conditional to the environment by which they were raised. In other words, it is the case of nurture over nature that carries these gender stereotypes forward.

As a result of such exposures and teachings during their childhood, many men do develop a sort of chivalric relationship with their significant others. The man would hold open the door for her, take her coat off, pull out her chair, and pay for the meal. Certainly these kind gestures are not intentional sexism, but they are still a remnant of middle-aged chivalry. In her online Jezebel article, “Death to Chivalry, Long Live Politeness!” columnist Katie J.M. Baker describes the original chivalric code as a system of “benevolent sexism.” In today’s pro-feminist culture, society is redefining chivalry towards women as simple random acts of kindness applied to everyone. “Letting go of the sexist word doesn’t mean men shouldn’t be polite and respectful…[but] that people should look out for each other because we’re all human beings,” Baker implies. This alternative viewpoint takes modern dating in a new direction, placing both sexes on an equal pedestal, where they can each benefit from mutual protection and kindliness.

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So if ever you are on a date with your current or potential significant other, or even if you’re just two friends of the opposite sex, take the time to look at each other as mutual human beings who both care about each other, instead of just two different beings from two different planets. Both of you may approach life from different angles, but in the end, you arrive at the same destination.

 

Other links for gender stereotyping:

  1. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/lyz-lenz/mommyhood-is-no-excuse_b_2994459.html
  2. http://family.jrank.org/pages/686/Gender-Gender-Roles-Stereotypes.html
  3. http://www.cracked.com/article_18529_6-absurd-gender-stereotypes-that-science-says-are-true.html

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